12 of 12: Sunday and Solo Parenting

1. I am pretty confident it doesn't get any cuter than a little boy in a shirt and tie with a "leather" jacket over. Heart breaker.
2. Nursery kids were playing "tiger" and Tessie was instructed to "go to sleep." She played it really, really well and wouldn't be woken through all the things Millie and Connor tried on her until she decided she wanted to be awake. Watching these funny things is one of the few good things of being in nursery.
3. Star shirt Sunday and finishing coloring Truman's puppet from nursery.
4. FaceTiming with Nikkala
5. Her people crack me up. Pretty sure that boy has a lot of "chests" going on.
6. FaceTiming with Chris, who left right after church to head to the airport for a fly-out.
7. You want to watch Daniel Tiger on Sunday? Sure! You can get a lot out of me when I'm flying solo.
8. Dinner was just random veggies thrown in some pasta, with butter and parmesan. The kids ate it up. I don't really need more convincing to fly by the seat of my pants.
9. Blueberry banana swirl for desert, because I'm awesome. It always takes forever to get it processed smooth in the food processor. Drives me nuts.
10. I passed the level that had been plaguing me for way too long and had to send Chris proof.
11. Oh good. I'm home with the kids and it will be raining. I'm going to miss being able to send them out in the yard to play as the weather gets worse.
12. Chris was on his way to Cal Poly. The week before when he did IND-PHX on his way to CSU-Long Beach he flew first class. It's a bummer to get taken down a notch.

Solo Parenting is Hard

Lately Chris has been gone doing fly out job interviews. Which is awesome. Except that it's really hard.

I am so much better with him with me than I am as a single mom. Except for that rare day when I know I'm flying solo and have mentally geared up and I am an awesome mom. Then I crash and am cranky and impatient and tired. Or when the alarm doesn't go off for Chris's 4:55 shuttle, but Millie wakes up yelling just in the knick of time and kicks us into high gear. Once the adrenaline wears off and I fall back to sleep morning comes to soon. Kids don't nap. They fight, throw tantrums and cause trouble. It's all I can do to read our two verses of scripture, say prayers and put them in their beds. Then dinner dishes are waiting for me, along with Truman's bowl of potatoes and squash he threw all over the floor.

I am not used to doing this alone. (Thank goodness.) I'm used to being able to check in with Chris during the day.

I've been weighing it in my brain how lots of women do it full-time, and lots of women have it way harder than I do. But that doesn't make my hard less. It's still hard. Chris will be gone 8/10 days when this little stretch is over. He's basically coming home to get clean clothes, give me a bit of a breather and catch the next shuttle and flight, criss-crossing the country to opposing oceans. As soon as this round of fly outs is over there will (hopefully) be more.

Even if there aren't more Chris is teaching a night class second module this semester that meets twice a week. Conveniently placed in the middle of the week so he can book end the weeks with fly outs without having to miss class. And there's a dissertation to write. He was getting up at 4:30 the weeks before his proposal to get it finished. I feel like we're sprinting the last half of a marathon. (And I'm not a sprinter.) We have a school year ahead of us and it feels completely overwhelming.

I keep wishing we lived close to family so I could have someone who felt compelled to bail me out. Or that Chris was a dental or medical student and we lived in an apartment building with six other families in our exact situation. Or Chris was a business man making big bucks that I could spend to help myself (a maid, babysitters, cute clothes, etc). But we don't. We're graduate students living in our cozy little house in Indiana. And sometime I feel really alone. (Despite good friends.)

I'm writing this in the hopes that I remember clearer what the last year of a PhD program felt like. That when someone mentions their hard thing I don't try one-upping it with a "Oh, but when we were in graduate school..." or dismissing it with "It's not that bad! Get over it. I went through worse." I want to remember hard is hard. And once it's hard, it doesn't matter the degree of hard. Validating someone else's difficulties doesn't take away from my experience.

I can do hard things. Chris can do hard things. I am so grateful to be sending out a capable, socially adept and amazing husband for these interviews, because his role in this is grueling. I am very much looking forward to the PhD phase of life to be over.

Then the tenure clock starts...

12 of 12 July: Miserable Day

1. For those not familiar with Lafayette, Chris's phone would be at the ER.
2. Truman woke up in the middle of the night screaming with rapid and short breathing. Nothing calmed him down, so we finally decided that the ER was the best choice. We've never had a middle of the night ER visit before. (I found it interesting that one of our high councilors was the doctor on call. I didn't know he was a doctor.)
3. Breaks your heart.
4. Who is excited to go do chores with Mom?
5. A dragonfly as big as her hand.
6. We didn't mind the Hendersons being gone while their raspberries went crazy. Or gathering eggs, either.
7. Chris had planned to be up early like usual (4:55 am) and spend a couple hours at school before we picked him up to go to Riverfest. Instead he went in mid-morning and I got to deal with Millie throwing up. I was so glad it rained like crazy so I didn't feel like I was missing anything as I tended to sick kids.
8. She seemed much better after her bubble bath.
9. "Scrambled feet!" (She was "scrambled" all over after the luxurious soak she had!)
10. I was reading in bed when Millie woke up from her nap. She crawled up in bed with me and promptly fell back to sleep.
11. We had a picnic in the living room, watching Daniel Tiger and eating left-over pizza for dinner. Because we just didn't care.
12. She wrote this all by herself for Aunt Amy's birthday card and I about couldn't believe it, despite watching her do it. (I would tell her which letter was next.) The blob/stick thing is an exclamation point, obviously.

12of12: Travel Adventure Edition

En route to Hawaii we had to get to SLC to hand off the kids to our parents. The 12th happened to be the day we left Indy. Late afternoon IND-> LAS-> late night into SLC was the plan.

1. Getting the circus through security. Kids = baggage. And a car seat, and stroller.
2. Lunchables are our favorite airplane food for kiddies.
3. My first time ever using a barf bag. As I gave Truman one of the mini-pretzels I thought, "This might not be a good idea." *Hands it over.* It wasn't. It got stuck in his throat (not a full on can't breath-choke) and he whined and fussed for a very long two minutes. Chris and I were freaking out a bit, but trying to keep it cool. Truman refused water, but finally accepted some banana, dislodging the pretzel and his Lunchable. Glad I had the bag at the ready. (Don't worry, the bag wasn't this full. We used it as a trash bag.)
4. Tired, tired kids, running on EDT.
5. Hello, brown desert.
6. Our flight was delayed and Millie would not go to sleep, so finally I strapped her in the car seat and turned on her lullabies. It didn't take long to have two zonked out kids.
7. Our flight was then canceled. Due to weather, so Southwest wouldn't put us up. The desk agent suggested people try HotelTonight for accomodations. Since we're big HT fans, I saw an opportunity, so I started offering up my referral code of DHARTWELL to anyone who would wanted it. $25 off for them, $25 credit for me. These were my people. Are you sure we can use it? All of us? Be my guest!
8. While waiting for Chris to get our new boarding passes, I was hanging out watching the kids. In my Coke bottle glasses. Out the corner of my eye I saw this woman and thought, "Hmm... she looks familiar. Are you Becca...? Yep, Becca Plotts, went to good ol' Burley High, a few years older than me. I ended up giving her diapers to get her baby through until they were home.
9. I hate McCarran. And Vegas. Especially late at night.
10. I only made $100 off the HT gig. I got emails saying several people had used the code but didn't spend $25, so I'll get the credit if they do. Darn you, cheap Vegas hotels.
11. Our nearly $50 (FIFTY DOLLAR!!!) cab ride to our hotel. I hate Vegas. And crooked cabbies who take you the long route. And late nights with travel-weary kids.
12. I think it's safe to say we all felt like this, once we finally got to the hotel room. The non-smoking room that was on the side of the hotel with the band playing outside. (That thankfully we didn't hear). Once the crib finally made it to the room. (We'd given up and gone to bed, Truman still strapped in his car seat.) It was all made worse knowing we had to be up at 4:30 to make our early morning flight. That's the only time I was glad we were running on EDT.

Oh, the joys of air travel with kiddos. Thank goodness they are bona fide troopers who take it all in stride. Champion travelers!

Fourth First Day of School

When you don't teach or have classes, the first day is pretty insignificant (so much so that we were still in Idaho when the semester started). The only thing that changes with the semester is Chris's wardrobe. So long shorts, t-shirts and Chacos!

I made Chris promise that I can take first day pictures for the rest of forever. I love seeing the progression of things. It went from Chris, to Chris with baby Millie, to Chris with toddler Millie, to Chris with his arms full. To say nothing of this house we're actually starting to love. (Shout out to the last gladiola for hanging on and being in the frame.) Retrospection makes this ride all the better. So does the hope that maybe, just maybe (and not all too likely) this is the last first day of his PhD program.

12of12 June

1. She loves to pretend the bottom of Truman's bouncer is her microphone and likes to "say" her "tessamony" into it. ('Heavy' Father and Jesus love me and created the world for me. They made my body. They help me get baptized.)
2. Waiting in the eye doctor's office.
3. Nom, nom, nom,
4. Millie and Chris got to have a bunch of adventures while I was at my appointment, including finally getting a ride on the trolley.
5. One... or two. Two... or one. Really, I'm blind and they're both terrible!
6. He really gets the toys a-swinging. Note his immobile right hand.
7. "These my cup head phones!"
8. Mosquito bites. I think they progressed to hives the next day. Ugh. Aren't I too old for these?
9. Our feelings on potty training.
10. There were happy ones, but who can resist that pout?
11. My sweet Jessie. Is today my birthday? Yes, dear. Number 83.
12. Friends at our Power of Moms learning circle meeting.

Strange Satisfaction: Potlucks

Recently I've noticed I get a strong sense of satisfaction from some of the strangest things. Tonight's pleasure? A well-balanced potluck.

Months ago Chris called me from the grocery store. "They have ten pounds of ribs for $12.99. Is that a good deal?"

Not buying ribs often, I wasn't sure that it was stellar, but knew it wasn't terrible, and left it up to him to make the final call. He went for it. Not being at the store, I didn't realize the ten pounds of ribs were frozen together in a box. Into the freezer they went, taking up 1/3 of it.

I figured Memorial Day weekend was as good as any to encourage the cooking of these ribs and a party was born. Chris spent the day tending to the ribs, while I got to go shopping with Millie and help a friend with her moving prep.

We had a nearly perfectly balanced pot-luck. There were chips, soda, green salad, potato salad, watermelon, corn on the cob, chicken, raspberry Cool Whip salad, corn bread, rice and popsicles for dessert. I love when it works out like that. Some pot-lucks end up being a feast of four pots of baked beans, or all desserts, or nothing remotely resembling a vegetable, but tonight's was spot on.

Added bonus that I threw out 5:00 as the starting time, and about 6:30 the heavens opened and a downpour commenced. For the most part every one was done eating and we just had popsicles left to polish off while we played sardines in our cozy (and humid!) kitchen.

A very satisfying night.

12of12 October

Earlier in the week I thought about 12of12 coming up. And then I realized it had been one year since Neighbor Bill was murdered. Chris wondered how I could remember that, but 12of12 makes things memorable.

I planned out what I was going to get pictures of to document our day: Millie with her friends at Friday playgroup, Chris in his Nats hats, the leaves changing colors and everything else that makes up an October Friday at our house. I knew it was coming all week, and then forgot completely on the day-of. I spaced it, completely. I took one picture, late that night of Chris going to bed in his hat. He ended up not sleeping until the game was over and the Nats had lost and were out of the series. One measly picture that's barely worth posting. Only 11 short. Better luck next time.

Overcompensating?

Several weekends ago Chris went on a camp-out with the Boy Scouts. He was trying to hurry home so we could have something of a Saturday (fail), and in his haste left his coat behind. No big deal, since it's been quite warm ever since.

Except that his iPod and his church keys were in the pockets of his coat. A member of the stake presidency who lives about 45 minutes away ended up with his coat, but he won't be in town again until stake conference, mid-April.

In the meantime, Millie is "letting" him borrow "her" iPod. He pulled out his studio headphones (with a crazy long cord) and has been using them with it.

He wouldn't take my earbuds with their bit of pink on them, but finally I dug up some old white earbuds. I couldn't handle the ridiculousness any more. But I'm sure the high school kids on the bus were impressed with his set-up.

Saturday

Life as the daughter of a grad student.

Bragging (Because I Can)

I just have to give a little shout out to the Mister of the house. He had four submissions to the Society for Industrial & Organizational Psychology, Inc (SIOP) conference coming up in April. He was fairly confident at least one of them would be selected.

Well, all four were selected! Three of them all stem off one project he's been working on for the past year, so it's good to know that his hard work is paying off. He's working with three others on the project, two at different schools. Two of the professors he's working with are big time when it comes to publishing, especially his professor here. One is at Michigan State, and when they found out that all three submissions were accepted, he was quite astonished. It's rare to get that many submissions accepted all based on one project-- so that's some indication of how big the project is.

It's so fun to see this phase of our life moving along and things going the way we want them to go! Good job, Chris!

I Like Being Married to Chris

I like when Chris has breaks from school. It's nice to hang out with him. And hanging out with him is a good refresher course on why I love him.

◙ We went to Monster Golf on Saturday. With our baby. (Dear AmEx Small Business Saturday promo, I love you. But that's for another post.) Nothing spells family time like black lights, glowing skeletons on the wall and life-sized aliens and monsters. Chris gave me every gimme and chance to do well, and he still won. While wearing Millie in a front pack.

At one point he said, "I think Millie is going to have a seizure from the lights." She didn't. In fact, she loved it.

◙ Jon and Marcella like to use Invisible Kool-Aid and trick people who think they're drinking water. But yesterday, they came here for dinner and Chris started thinking. He decided to trick them and make flavor-less Kool-Aid (water + food coloring). Jon started to say, "Wait, this doesn't...   Oh." Then Marcella took a drink and said, "This Kool-Aid doesn't taste!" Chris thought he was so clever. He makes me laugh.

◙ Today we were unloading the dishwasher. There was a hair in the silverware Chris was putting away, so he handed me the hair. I asked, "How did my dingle hopper get in the dishwasher?!" Chris just stared at me. "Dingle hopper. You know, Little Mermaid? Dingle hopper— a fork?"

Chris's reply, "I'm the second of four boys. We didn't watch the Little Mermaid much. Plus, it came out when I was in college {sarcasm}. I thought you meant dingle berry. And that's gross."

Yes it is.

◙ Only three weeks until Christmas vacation. And yes, we're counting.